It’s been a while since I’ve “kept it real” and shared a personal post. My friends and family are going to read the title of this post… and some of them are going to say, “OMG Megan, no you weren’t!” and a few will probably say “Well, maybe a little bit.” I definitely did not fit the typical picture of a “bridezilla” – I wasn’t overly demanding of my bridal party, or a complete control freak, and I didn’t totally lose my mind when things went wrong. But let me continue to explain myself…
I was completely obsessed with getting married, almost from the day my husband and I started dating. It might sound a little fairytale-ish, but I knew right away that Ken was the man I was going to marry. I first became “bridezilla” when I discovered that Ken had purchased an engagement ring. I knew he had it for TWO YEARS and wondered on almost a daily basis when he was going to pop the question! I began to wonder if I was pushing him into it… if he really had just bought me this pretty ring and wanted to give it to me as a gift, not as a forever promise. I have gained a little better insight into the thoughts and feelings that guys go through before they decide to propose, so now being on the other side of things I understand better why my husband waited so long.
Once Ken proposed to me, I went full on wedding obsessed. I started planning probably the same weekend we got engaged. I went with my mom within a couple of weeks to try on wedding dresses, even though I knew that I couldn’t afford them at that time nor were we actually getting married anytime soon! And as time went on, it only got worse. I always thought I was a really laid back bride – I was really flexible with my bridesmaids, Ken took over a lot of the ideas/planning once we nailed down a theme, I tried really hard not to let it get to me.
But as I sat and witnessed one of the most beautiful weddings I have ever seen this past weekend, I realized that I really did let it get to me. I let all of the planning, trying to be perfect, trying to have the BEST WEDDING EVER get to me… and I lost sight of what was really happening that day. That day I was promising my love and my life to this man, to be faithful, to love, to honor and to cherish him until we both die. And I got lost in all of the planning, the details, the parts that really do not matter. Yes, it is true, people still talk about how fun our wedding was. And I had the best time of my life that day. But I really wish that instead of cringing when I watch our wedding video because I know what’s about to happen – I’m about to go full on bridezilla when I realize that Ken took the candles for our unity ceremony to the reception venue instead of to the ceremony venue – and the end of this beautiful, love filled ceremony that we created goes from sweet to sour because I can’t get it together and stop crying, and realize that oh my gosh, I am FINALLY married to this man who I have wanted to marry all of these years.
At some point I went from always knowing I wanted Ken as my husband to wanting a “perfect” wedding. And a wedding does not a marriage make.
Don’t get me wrong – I have a wonderful marriage. In fact, over the last few years I have felt like our relationship has just gotten better and better… not stale, or old news, or boring, like a lot of couples complain about. I truly mean it when I say I love my husband more and more each and every day. But if I could get a do-over on our wedding ceremony, I would. Not even so I could have the unity candles – although that would have been really beautiful – I would like to just have a moment between me, Ken, and God to make those promises again. To make our own promises (we didn’t write our own vows, and I wish we would have) to each other.
Some day, I hope that we will do that – I hope that we will renew our vows, or have our marriage convalidated in the Catholic Church. When we first talked about it, both of us talked about it like it was going to be a second wedding. But this past weekend I realized what I truly wanted was to make it up to my husband for being a bridezilla, and to share a moment where the promises are truly about US and not about an event, a wedding, or everyone else. While I do believe that weddings aren’t just about the couple coming together, but about two LIVES coming together – with all of our friends and family too – I think we did a great job of that at our wedding. I just wish that we had shared more between the two of us.
So some day… I hope to get a do-over, and promise this wonderful man once again that I will love him forever.